Woman Indeed

Woman in her purest form lays heart open.

Her gentleness is like a cool summer breeze sweeping across your face.

Her strength comes from her desire to carry the world in her womb

Thus travailing for the success of all she loves.

She chooses to shield you with love

Understanding loves does conquer all,

Hopes all,

Endures all,

She gives all, while simultaneously protecting you with exhortation.

On lookers admires her overcoat of peace and kindness

Radiates from her like the Mississippi River flowing into the Atlantic Ocean.  

Her scent of transparency leaves an aroma of crisp linen blowing in the midday sun.

She is a well-defined woman,

Secure in the essence of her femininity

Beloved by all,

Revered by most she holds her head high

And struts the most,

Even before her haters.

Careful not to speak an evil word as she understands her regal.

Queen of her environment, reigning with wisdom and gaining knowledge

Empowering, educating and inspiring all those around.

She is a lioness in her natural inhabitants devouring her foes, yet feeding her young.

A force to be reckoned with, an anomaly to most.

She is a woman that knows the essence of her femininity.

Allowing her king to lead she follow with glee.

A prowess in her femininity

She is woman indeed.

© Copyright 2015 Leola Latonya Bellamy. All Rights Reserved.  

Silence defined by a broken heart.

Silence

awkward

necessary for my sanity

yet

torturing me.

I still stand in silence.

Not saying a thing and

careful that my actions

don’t contradict what I’m feeling

still I refuse to mime

to a broken hearted love song,

so I do nothing.

I do nothing outwardly

but inside there’s a war zone.

Frankly,

my love for you side is winning

and the truth is I’m angry because it’s so strong.

I guess I never realized when I made the decision to love you.

It’s so beyond out of sight,

out of mind

or pressing the rewind button

and everything reverses to where it was before…

When you were my boy toy,

for lack of better term.

When my heart didn’t burn because you weren’t there…

  

So,

now I’m stuck with you,

most likely for the rest of my life,

you in the fiber of my being,

flowing in my blood like you belong here

demanding squatters’ rights

refusing to be evicted.

I’m stuck with thinking of you

when I do those little things you did that I thought was mundane…

and because the tears are going to flow as Niagara Falls,

I take a quick pause and do nothing.  

I stand in silence and hope the pain go away.

We weren’t known for quickies

and I’m not sure why I thought this healing process would be different.

It’s been almost six months

and you’re still right here with me

as if you had never told me,

we weren’t working.

After which I had to force feed,

Breath

and sleep for months

because

I really couldn’t see living one moment without you.

To this day

I’m trying to survive one day at a time.

So, I just be.

I try

to love myself

plan time with family and friends…

you know, doing me.

I try very hard not to think about you.

I try not to picture your smile at that very moment he cracked a joke that I know you’d laugh,

and I fill that space with nothing.

Now here is a laugh,

I call myself moving on

because this is been too long,

you’re unknowingly holding my heart captive.

I give myself audience to another.

Now, I’m afraid that no one will ever find a place in my heart

because it’s occupied by you,

with a note saying belongs to another.  

Not because you were all that great,

or the most compassionate,

or even the nicest man in the world…

But it’s because I decided to love you.
Which made you perfect.

And because I’m a slave to my decision

I do nothing but stand here

pray that someday

I can simply have a day without thinking of you.

I forgive me for the broken heart

I try and

piece my shattered life together without you.

Until I can do that…

I'll continue to do nothing.

I'll stand in the shadow of silence.

Well, except for this written word…

Seriously, could the screams in my head get any louder? 
Can I be anymore confused about the things you said and the contradictions of actions?
Is it true that I have cried enough to fill the Atlantic Ocean and does the pain I feel run through me as I was hit be a run-a-way train?
Can the love I have be bigger than your love you confessed to me? And at what point you were going to be a man I simply say I change my mind?
If I choose to be angry, I deny that what I thought we had was prefect and if I refuse to see that you wasn’t for me…I continue to live in deceit.
When I say I don’t even want to try again…I lie …My lips long for you.
Seriously, could the images of you be any clearer?
Can my body crave your touches more?
It’s true when I close my eyes I smell the scent of you and I …simply wonder what should I do.
Can I call or even text is the question that comes up next and quickly I dismiss that thought with… for what?
So, I sit internally conflicted…wanting yet denying…truthful but lying…
Quietly I wait for these moments to pass…when…unbearable becomes tolerable.
When I say I don’t even want to try again…I lie…and cry…
Seriously, could this really be real? When my world exist without you…Yet and still my mind inadvertently uncovers memories of you,. I somehow spot your smile and see the wrinkles in corners of your eyes and hastily, reclaim my thoughts to a life without…you.
When I say I don’t even want to try again…I lie… and scream…Seriously!

Mushy!!!

Whoa to all men! Yes it’s I… woman…accepting all my femininity.
Walking boldly in my red stilettos aware of my equality to your masculinity
 and understanding your being stronger doesn’t make me feeble
 it simply allows me to be… tangible. 

Pliable, you see!
Allowing myself to melt to your sturdy touch…and my King…
When the world had attempted to devour you with its rigid tasks…
It is I… woman that ignites even between my thighs
Where you are greeted with tender warmth and is given a sense of stability…
My gentleness steers you to maintain your bearings. 
 
My strength is seen by others retrospectively
As an enchanted forest you’ve found your self in and attempting to fight the trance that Has captivated you…
Conversely, my dear…its nothing of the sorts…
It’s a lover wrapping herself in the arms of her love never to let go.
In other words, it’s deliberately permitting you to consume me with you while I simultaneously be me…
Your queen. 

My feminine self gives you my breast to rest for a moment
And there you find refuge…
In all my femininity…
You find the strength that makes you stronger to conquer the world….
My love…
Remember…
It is I…Woman… holding you strong!!!

Gray was my color.

Gray had become my color.  Muted...in fact!
I was lost and off track…goin nowhere, was my destination.

Life was colorless because all that was before me was grief and pain…I couldn’t see past the color gray.

Sometimes I use to wish for a simple black or white but I was stained by gray…It had become the color of my world.

Though, I wanted to scream where is my color!!!! Where is the brilliance of the world! Where is my rainbow proving I was remembered by God? I didn’t see it! Only gray…a place that was just… Blah!

Aimlessly, I sought for any thing that would reveal my identity…seeking to find peace, which for me would look more… like the color peach…or pink…but instead I was cursed with the color gray. My God…I craved it would go away.

 And even the times when I should’ve seen red cause I was angry…I forced myself to see gray instead! Afraid that if red had intruded on my gray…I… I would look bad someway. I dread to admit that red should’ve been what I was wearin, but numb is really what I became. To perform a role that wasn’t my own…I was just plain…ole…gray!

Performance orientated…looking to please all those around I couldn’t see color for seeing what others thought of me.  Nothing really screamed at me forcing me to see…the beauty which I had not seen…indeed it was like misery was stalking me and I was likin its security.

The constant place of going nowhere fast and even hoping when I go… it would be to death.

I can’t tell you the moment gray had stop becoming my friend. When colors started protruding in…when muted became subtle pastels...when light started growing bright and gray stated becoming a distant memory.

Even on sad days I welcomed Blue and I sang the Blues like Billie Holiday sung “Strange Fruit”…and when sadness was over joy came through and those colors I cant even explain to you!  It’s like bright…screaming BOO!

Now neon is shining immensely and I’m grinning from cheek to cheek! Cause fulfilling my destiny is drawing closer and colors are showing everywhere. Gray had become like a washed out fad and I’m nearly free from its lifeless dismay.

Maybe gray left when purpose became my reality…when I stopped caring what others think…maybe? Or maybe it was just me? Trying to find some sense of stability, or maybe it was the greatness within lurkin to live… But I think it was a simple choice to forgive!!!!!!

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Floetry forming from my lips to my pen…expression of creativity flowing from within...Enigmatical & profound scripts conjured to inspire and revitalize a culture of beauty and individuality