Gray was my color.

Gray had become my color.  Muted...in fact!
I was lost and off track…goin nowhere, was my destination.

Life was colorless because all that was before me was grief and pain…I couldn’t see past the color gray.

Sometimes I use to wish for a simple black or white but I was stained by gray…It had become the color of my world.

Though, I wanted to scream where is my color!!!! Where is the brilliance of the world! Where is my rainbow proving I was remembered by God? I didn’t see it! Only gray…a place that was just… Blah!

Aimlessly, I sought for any thing that would reveal my identity…seeking to find peace, which for me would look more… like the color peach…or pink…but instead I was cursed with the color gray. My God…I craved it would go away.

 And even the times when I should’ve seen red cause I was angry…I forced myself to see gray instead! Afraid that if red had intruded on my gray…I… I would look bad someway. I dread to admit that red should’ve been what I was wearin, but numb is really what I became. To perform a role that wasn’t my own…I was just plain…ole…gray!

Performance orientated…looking to please all those around I couldn’t see color for seeing what others thought of me.  Nothing really screamed at me forcing me to see…the beauty which I had not seen…indeed it was like misery was stalking me and I was likin its security.

The constant place of going nowhere fast and even hoping when I go… it would be to death.

I can’t tell you the moment gray had stop becoming my friend. When colors started protruding in…when muted became subtle pastels...when light started growing bright and gray stated becoming a distant memory.

Even on sad days I welcomed Blue and I sang the Blues like Billie Holiday sung “Strange Fruit”…and when sadness was over joy came through and those colors I cant even explain to you!  It’s like bright…screaming BOO!

Now neon is shining immensely and I’m grinning from cheek to cheek! Cause fulfilling my destiny is drawing closer and colors are showing everywhere. Gray had become like a washed out fad and I’m nearly free from its lifeless dismay.

Maybe gray left when purpose became my reality…when I stopped caring what others think…maybe? Or maybe it was just me? Trying to find some sense of stability, or maybe it was the greatness within lurkin to live… But I think it was a simple choice to forgive!!!!!!